


Air Catcher

by FallawayDun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Body Image, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gaslighting, M/M, Smut, they're really not good for eachother, you'll probably hate Josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallawayDun/pseuds/FallawayDun
Summary: "I'm sorry.""I'm tired of us always saying sorry."





	1. i don't fall slow like i used to

**Author's Note:**

> hi! I'm still working on Split, but this fic is almost finished and i really wanted to start posting it.
> 
> It's pretty sad but i think you'll like it!

"Ok, ready?" Tyler nodded in response, his mouth hanging open. Josh tossed a strawberry at him, missing Tyler's mouth and instead bouncing it off his nose.

"So close!" Josh laughed. "Okay, one more try."

This time it hit Tyler on the cheek. Tyler shut his mouth. "Alright, you're done here. This is becoming assault."

Josh laughed even harder, clutching his stomach.

Tyler stuck his tongue out, "What are you laughing at?"

"You have strawberry all over your face."

Tyler wiped at his cheek. "Does is look like I'm crying blood? Is it punk rock?" He giggled. Tyler took a moment to shamelessly stare at his laughing boyfriend, perfect teeth beaming and eyes crinkling. God he was pretty.

"You're too cute to look punk rock. Come here." Josh motioned. Tyler leaned forward, expecting a kiss, but instead Josh licked the strawberry remains off Tyler's nose.

"Ew." Tyler responded, but it wasn't very sincere. He pecked Josh on the lips before going to move off the couch. "Hang on, i'm gonna get another pancake."

Josh cocked his head to the side. "Another?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Nothing, it's just... you've already had three. And I know how upset you get when you gain weight and-"

"Have I gained weight?" Tyler said, glancing down at his stomach and thighs.

"No! No, I just... well, maybe a few pounds. But you still look great! I just want you to be happy."

Tyler sat back into the couch, biting his lip and staring at his hands. Josh was never one to filter his thoughts, but why would he say that? Did he look that bad? Feelings of shame and embarrassment he became accustomed to back in high school bubbled in his chest.

~

_"Good morning, honey." Tyler's mom greeted him warmly as he walked down the steps. "What do you want for breakfast?"_

_"I'm okay, Mom. Thanks."_

_She frowns, "Are you sure? You didn't even eat dinner last night."_

_"Yeah, I have an early lunch."_

_"Okay, have a nice day at school!"_

**_Unlikely._ **

_  
~_

_Tyler skipped lunch that day, as usual._

_~_

_In the locker room, he faced the wall while he quickly changed his shirt, doing his best to hide his pudgy stomach from everyone around him._

_Gym was his least favorite part of the day. Having to change in front of all his attractive classmates  
reminded him of how inadequate he was. He used to be athletic, a well-respected member of the basketball team, but his new diet drained him of energy. Eventually he quit the sport. He just wanted to loose a bit of weight, just enough to look normal._

_His head was spinning by the time he had finished changing, all of the walking and standing that came with each school day becoming increasingly taxing. He hadn't had a proper meal in days, but it was the price he would have to pay for letting himself get fat._

**_You deserve this, so suck it up and stick to your diet._ **

_"Alright, listen up." His gym teacher's voice boomed throughout the gymnasium. "Today you're gonna run the mile, and it's going to be timed, so no slacking."_

_Tyler's face paled. Nonetheless, he followed his class outside to the track, head spinning and legs wobbling throughout the process._

_He ran the first lap at a decent pace, relieved to not be in dead last. His legs still wobbled, and a headache had formed, but he was okay._

_By the second lap, his chest burned, he was now trailing a bit behind, embarrassed as the gym teacher yelled for him to pick up the pace._

_It was at the beginning of the third lap that his vision began to blur, black spots blocking his view. He was heaving, head pounding. He stopped running, placing his hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath._

_"Joseph! What are you doing! You better catch up." The teacher spoke up, Tyler ignored him. Some of his classmates were staring now, watching Tyler in amusement as they jogged on the opposite side of the track from him._

_Tyler straightened up, a bad decision on his part. His vision blacked out and his head spun worse than it ever had. He vaguely registered that he was now laying on the gravelly track. He heard a few voices call out his name, but was unaware of where they came from._

_A few moments later, a couple pairs of hands were helping him up. Once he got to his feet, his vision took a few seconds to clear up, and he saw a group of his classmates had stopped to watch. A cluster of girls to his right were snickering into their hands._

_The gym teacher and his friend Mark began walking him back to the school. Tyler's cheeks were burning with embarrassment. Mark stayed with him as Tyler changed out of his gym clothes._

_"My boy, you've gotta get back into shape." Mark chuckled, poking a finger at Tyler's stomach. Tyler could feel bile climbing up the back of his throat._

**_Fat. Disgusting. Worthless._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyler's eating disorder will not be the main plot of this story. Most mentions of it are only in the first few chapters.


	2. i fall straight down

Tyler fixed the collar of his shirt in the mirror. He turned to the side. His black jeans fit slightly tighter than they used to, but Tyler thought he looked good. He ran a hand through his hair, pleased with the way it fell in a soft quiff.

He heard Josh enter the room and turned to face him, striking a pose with a playful smile. Josh took in his boyfriend’s appearance, cocking his head to the side.

"You're gonna wear that?" Josh stepped forward, tugging Tyler's shirt down a bit.

Tyler's smile fell.

"W-why, what’s wrong with it?"

"Nothing. Nothing, it just... doesn't do much to hide those few extra pounds." Josh chuckled. "I just want you to be comfortable."

Tyler stared at the floor, a humiliated blush creeping onto his cheeks. He turned back to face the mirror, self-consciously crossing his arms over his stomach. He heard a whistle from the man next to him.

"Damn, your ass looks good though."

Josh walked past Tyler and into the bathroom, smacking his boyfriend's ass in the process. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, taking a few deep breaths.

**_He was just kidding Tyler. Don't be a crybaby._ **

~

Tyler changed into a more loose fitting button-up, to which Josh gave an approving smile. They were now pulling up to a restaurant. It wasn't extremely fancy, but it wasn't no Applebee's either. Josh decided to take him out for dinner for no reason other than he wanted to treat him, and Tyler found that pretty adorable.

As soon as Josh parked the car, he was bolting to the other side of the car to help Tyler out. Tyler laughed as he took Josh's hand, which was outstretched to him.

"Such a gentleman." Tyler teased.

"Only the best for my Princess." He replied smoothly. Tyler stuck his tongue out at the nickname.

They made their way into the restaurant, the waitress leading them to their seats. She was a pretty redhead, with annoying vocal fry, and too much sway in her hips as she walked in front of Josh to the table. Tyler couldn't help but to feel self-conscious standing next to Josh, who looked offensively attractive in his all black attire; skinny jeans, a button up, and Doc Martens.

"I'll be your waitress for the evening. My name is April." Tyler didn't miss the fact that she hasn't made eye contact with him once, nor did he miss the wink she sent Josh's way as she stated her name. Tyler rolled his eyes. "What can I get you to drink?" Again, only looking at Josh.

Josh smiled at her warmly, almost flirtatiously, in Tyler's opinion, as he ordered a bottle of wine for the table. She placed a hand on Josh's shoulder, letting it linger for a bit while she stated their drink will be out shortly. After she left, Tyler raised his eyebrows at Josh in a 'can you believe her' way. Josh seemed unphased.

After the wine came, April took their orders. A burger for Josh, chicken parmesan for Tyler. When it was Tyler's turn to order, he had to clear his throat just to get her to tear her eyes away from Josh for a split second. She gave him a look of annoyance, as if Tyler was an inconvenience. He wished Josh would say something to her about it.

"Tyler, sit up straight." Josh stated while they waited for their food.

Tyler obliged, slightly confused as to why it mattered. "I think our waitress has a crush." Tyler muttered. Josh shrugged.

The conversation switched from their jobs, to Tyler's poetry, to Josh's desire to adopt a cat, then they noticed their food coming. She placed their plates down, smiling brightly at Josh. As she went to walk away, Josh lightly grabbed her wrist, giving her a thank you with a dumb wink. Tyler felt a pang of something in his chest. Was Tyler not interesting enough, that Josh had to turn to flirting with rude waitresses?

He drank the rest of his wine.

The rest of the night was quite nice, until it wasn't. They held hands across the table as they waited for the check. Tyler was a still a little peeved, but he wasn't mad at Josh, he was too pretty.

Tyler noticed April walking towards their table, smile turning to a frown and pace slowing as she notices their joined hands. She looked extremely disappointed. Tyler bit his lip to stifle a snicker. She noticed, Josh didn't. April asked Josh how he liked his food, making a show of leaning against the table and twirling her strawberry hair. He told her it was delicious, leaning in a bit closer than necessary.

She leaned over to pick up Tyler's plate, looking him dead in the eyes for the first time all night. She clanked it against his now-full glass of wine, knocking it over and spilling its contents right into his lap. Tyler stared at his stained clothes with an open mouth.

"Oops, sorry."

Tyler narrowed his eyes at her. "Listen, lady. I understand you want to fuck my boyfriend, but that doesn't call for the way you've treated me. I want to speak to your manag-"

"Tyler." Josh said rather harshly, startling Tyler to a halt. "Stop being a brat, it was an accident."

Tyler put his hands on the table. "It was not! Why are you standing up for her? She's treated me like shit all night!"

April pouted at Josh. "I am so sorry. I can go get my manager if you want. I'll understand."

"Of course not, accidents happen. I'm sorry for my boyfriend's attitude." Josh glared at Tyler. Tyler shrunk back in his chair.

From there they were silent until they got back to the car. Tyler looked down at his stained clothes with a pout, he really liked this shirt. Josh glanced at him and sighed,

"Look, Ty. I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Then why did you?"

"I felt bad for the girl! She didn't mean to spill the wine, and she'd probably be fired if we told her manager."

"It wasn't an acci-" Tyler stopped himself. He put his hands over his face in frustration. "I guess I overreacted. I didn't like the way she was flirting with you."

"Well that's dumb."

"I'm sorry."


	3. you've stolen my air catcher

It wasn't long after they stepped inside their apartment that Josh was backing Tyler up against a wall. His mouth moved along his neck and jaw, his body pressed up against the younger's. At first Tyler went along with it, but then images of Josh flirting with the waitress made his way into his mind, unsettling him.

"Hey, Josh." Tyler tried to push Josh off lightly. Josh pinned his hands against the wall. "Josh, stop."

Josh stopped. He looked at Tyler with brows furrowed in confusion.

"Not tonight." Tyler winced.

"Aw c'mon, Ty." He resumed kissing Tyler's neck, palming him through his wine splattered jeans. Tyler pushed him off, using more force, but not confrontational.

"I'm gonna go change out of these clothes. Maybe if I wash them soon I can still save them."

With that he slid out from where Josh had him pressed to the wall and headed to the bedroom. He stripped out of his clothes, changing into dry boxers. He jumped a little when he suddenly felt hands grabbing his waist from behind.

"God, you're so beautiful. You drive me crazy." Josh whispered into his ear. Tyler rolled his eyes, but Josh continued to rub his hands along his sides and kiss at his neck. "C'mon, I took you out tonight, don't I deserve a little something?"

**_Just let him. Stop being so stubborn all of the time. He took you out to dinner, which you ruined, you owe him._ **

Tyler sighed, turning around to face Josh. He allowed him to kiss him roughly and push him down onto the bed. He allowed him to strip him of his boxers and turn him onto his stomach. He allowed Josh to make love to him because he owed him. He didn't 'fuck' him, he was gentle, and Tyler did enjoy it a bit even though he was upset and tired and didn't come. So it was okay, right?

~

_"Ughh, I fucking hate math. None of it makes sense!" Tyler threw his pencil across the room. "Why do I need to know how to foil equations anyway?!"_

_Josh frowned. "Let's take a break."_

_Tyler nodded, taking a deep breath. "What should we do?"_

_Josh shrugged. They both looked around the room for something to do for a bit, then Josh's face lit up with an idea. He smirked mischievously at Tyler. Tyler gave him a nervous look, "What?"_

_"What time do your parents get home?"_

_"Not for another few hours, why?" Tyler replied._

_Josh didn't reply, instead he paced over to where Tyler sat on the bed. Tyler caught on quickly, meeting Josh halfway to connect in a heated kiss. They moved further onto the bed, Josh climbing on top of Tyler. He put his hands under Tyler's shirt in order to rub up and down his sides, raising goosebumps on the tanned skin. Tyler giggled as Josh attempted to pull of his shirt and sat up to help him._

_Once they were both shirtless, Josh moved down to leave marks along Tyler's neck and collarbones. Tyler felt himself growing hard and gasped when Josh ground his hips into his. Tyler rolled his hips, Josh got the message and moved a hand down to palm Tyler through his jeans._

_"Josh." Tyler breathed. Josh hummed in response. "I n-need you."_

_Josh pulled back to look Tyler in the face. A blush crept up the younger's face, but he meant what he said, and Josh knew what he was asking for. Tyler was a virgin. He and Josh had done other things involving their hands and mouths, but never sex._

_"Do you mean...?"_

_Tyler nodded quickly, hips bucking involuntarily. "Y-yes, I w-want you inside me."_

_Josh breathed out shakily, eyes darkening as he stared at the beautiful boy beneath him. "Are you sure? It might hurt the first time."_

_Tyler swallowed thickly, but nodded. Josh took a few more seconds to stare before getting the lube out of Tyler's nightstand. They have yet to use it for its intended purpose, sometimes for handjobs, but they've never used fingers or toys, or a dick, for that matter._

_Tyler pulled off his jeans and boxers while Josh coated a few fingers in the lube. The breath left Josh's lungs when he saw his boyfriend naked and layed out for him, a sight he would never ever get sick of._

_He settled in between Tyler's legs, slowly pushing a finger into his entrance. Tyler's eyebrows furrowed and Josh kissed the look of discomfort off his face. "I know it feels weird. Let me know if you want to stop."_

_"Y-you can add another." Tyler said shakily. He sucked in a sharp breath as Josh put in a second finger, scissoring them slightly. He began pumping them in and out, Tyler wasn't a fan of the feeling. They continued like that for a bit longer, Josh trying to make Tyler comfortable, Tyler waiting for the pain to turn to pleasure._

_"Josh, c-can we stop? I'm sorry."_

_Josh pulled out immediately. Tyler buried his face in his hands. "Hey, Ty, shh." He pulled Tyler's hands away from his face, kissing the boy gently. "It's totally fine, sweetheart."_

_"I know you want to. I'm really sorry I'm taking so long. I don't think I'm ready yet."_

_"Ty, babe. Don't ever feel like you have to do anything for me. I'd wait a thousand years if I had to. I just want you to feel good."_

_"I love you so much."_

_"I love you too."_


	4. safe and sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: descriptions of bulimia

In the following few weeks, Tyler found himself falling into old patterns. His eating became far less frequent, and he found himself bent over the toilet with two fingers down his throat more times than he allowed himself to admit. He knew he was being selfish, that Josh wouldn't like what he was doing, but at the same time, he was doing this FOR Josh.

It's no wonder Josh had been making some rather rude comments lately. Tyler was being selfish in letting himself gain weight. He was Josh's, and Josh didn't deserve to have a fat boyfriend. Josh deserved only the best. So, Tyler decided he needed to be better for him.

After a month of skipped breakfasts and partially thrown up dinners, Tyler was devastated by the results. Six pounds in one month. Tyler cried when he saw the number on the scale. He will never be good enough for Josh, not unless he tried harder.

So, he changed his rules a bit; still no breakfast, now no lunch either. He knew he couldn't skip dinner, because him and Josh always ate dinner together after work, skipping it would raise too much suspicion. He made sure to throw up after every dinner, as much of it as he could.

That's where he was now, throwing up vegetable stir fry into the toilet with the shower running in the background. It was his daily routine; eat dinner, go to take a shower, let the shower run while you throw up to mask the sound, then actually get in the shower. Josh just figured he took long showers.

Over the sounds of the shower and vomit splashing into the toilet, he didn't hear Josh knock on the door and warn that he was coming in to pee. The door opened suddenly, and Tyler was quickly pulling his fingers out of his mouth and backing against the tub. Josh stood in the doorway for a few seconds, registering what he had just seen before sighing. He rubbed his temple.

"Tyler, you told me you wouldn't do this anymore."

"I-I'm sorry." He didn't look up from his shaking hands. He knew Josh's face was masked in disappointment. Fresh tears made their way onto his face.

Josh leaned over Tyler to turn off the shower before grabbing a washcloth from under the sink and running it under warm water. He sat criss-crossed in front of Tyler, gently grabbing his hands to clean off the vomit.

"I don't understand why you do these things to yourself."

"I-I don't know." It was muffled by Josh wiping his mouth with the cloth.

"Well there has to be some reason. Please talk to me."

Tyler bit his lip, still not meeting Josh's gaze. "I just... I guess... I thought you would love me more if I were thinner. I know I'm not as thin as I was when we met and-"

"Ty, you weren't healthy when we met."

"I know, I know but, you've been making a lot of comments about my weight lately so I thought-"

"What?"

Tyler looked up, suddenly afraid he'd said something wrong. "What?"

"So you're saying this is all because of me?" Josh let go of Tyler's hands.

"What? No, I-"

"What, so you're trying to make me feel guilty? By doing all this shit? You want me to feel bad about myself?" Josh was standing now.

"Josh, why would I... I didn't mean for you to find out. I was trying to make you happy, to be better for you."

"Is it for attention or some petty shit? Are you still jealous about that fucking waitress. What, Tyler, what?!" He raised his voice, making Tyler flinch and pull his knees closer to his chest.

" _Josh_! What's the matter with you?!" He sobbed.

"What's the matter with _me_?! Look what you're doing Tyler! You promised me you had stopped years ago!"

Tyler buried his face in his knees, body wracking with sobs and apologies spilling from his mouth.

**_You've really done it this time, Tyler. Now he is definitely going to leave you. You're repulsive._ **

He heard Josh leave the bathroom, leaving Tyler a mess on the floor. He was disgusting, snot dripping from his nose, eyes red rimmed, the scent of vomit on his breath and clothes.

**_No wonder Josh gave up on you. You're pathetic, worthless, hopeless._ **

~

He jumped when he heard a knock on the already opened door about 10 minutes later. He looked up to find Josh standing with a blanket in his hand and an unreadable expression on his face. Tyler could make out disappointment, exhaustion, and remorse, though he wasn't sure if it was directed towards Tyler or himself.

"C'mere." He commanded wearily.

Tyler sniveled, pulling himself off the floor and to Josh, where he was wrapped in the blanket. Josh led him to the couch where they snuggled up to each other. Josh chose a random movie that was playing on TV before wrapping his arms protectively around Tyler. He kissed the top of his head.

"I didn't mean what I said." He sighed. "I'm just angry with myself. I should've said something. I noticed that you haven't been eating much. I guess I thought this was in the past, over and done with, and that was stupid of me. I know things like this don't just go away. All I want is for you to be happy. It scares me, knowing I can't fix these things. It kills me to hear that I might be the one hurting you.  
I don't mean to hurt you."


	5. i see you staring me down

Tyler turned the dial on the stove, turning the flame up to its highest setting. He hummed to himself as he dug through a nearby drawer, finding a pen in order to jot something down in his lyric book. When he was done, he placed the notebook back on the counter next to the stovetop.

"Josh!"

"What's up?" Josh called back from his position on the couch.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, will you watch the water that's boiling on the stove?"

"Yep."

~

The first thing Tyler noticed when he got out of the shower was that Josh was playing his drums in the spare room. Whatever he was playing sounded good, Tyler could think of a few songs written in his notebook that might sound good with it. He made a mental note to show them to Josh later.

The second thing Tyler noticed was the unmistakable smell of smoke. Eyebrows furrowed in concern, he followed the smell to the kitchen, where he was met with the sight of a fire leading from the stove to the counter.

"Fuck, Josh!"

The sound of drums came to a halt, replaced by footsteps shortly after.

"Shit!" Josh cursed, scrambling to the bathroom in order to get the wet towel Tyler had used for his shower.

"I told you to watch the stove!" Tyler shouted when Josh came back.

"It's not like I predicted the fucking water would burst into flames, Tyler!"

"It's not the water that's on fire. It's... oh my god, it’s my notebook!"

Josh hit the wet towel against the counter a few more times, successfully putting out the flames. He wiped the sweat beading on his forehead.

"Well that was fucking crazy." He chuckled breathlessly.

Tyler hesitantly walked over to his charred notebook, carefully picking up what remained of the ashy pages. He spun around to face Josh, holding the notebook in his hands with eyes full of anger and tears threatening to spill.

Josh held his hands out in front of him cautiously. "This isn't anybody's fault, Tyler. The ceiling fan must have blown your notebook open and into the lit stovetop."

Tyler's bottom lip trembled along with his delicate hands. "I asked you to do one thing for me. All you had to do was take a glance into the kitchen."

"Fine, everything is my fault, like always." Josh threw his hands in the air in mock surrender. He crossed his arms defensively, shrugging his shoulders, "It's just a notebook."

"Just a notebook?! These songs meant everything to me. Years of work, gone."

"Well to be fair, you shouldn't have left it where you did."

"This is not my fault! You never listen to me!"

"Oh shut up, Tyler."

"You're so fucking selfish, have you ever once thought about anyone other than yourself?!"

"SHUT UP!"

Before Tyler could see what was coming, a hand hit him hard across the face.

Everything froze.

Tyler slowly brought a hand up to the right side of his face, as if to make sure what he thinks just happened actually happened. The heat of his skin and the soreness pulsating from it told him it 100% did.

Josh hit him.

Josh pulled his hands away from where they had been clasped over his mouth.

" _Tyler_. I... I'm so sorry. Oh my god."

He slowly reached a hand out to his boyfriend. Tyler recoiled.

"Tyler, plea-"

"Don’t."

Tyler pulled himself out from where he stood between Josh and the kitchen sink. He grabbed his keys off the counter, along with a coat, and made his way towards the front door. Josh chased after him.

"Wait, Tyler! Please don't leave. Oh god, please don't leave me. I love you so much, you can't leave me!"

"I'm not leaving you, Josh. I just need some time to think."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took a bit to update i was in Ohio 
> 
> also sorry for where this story is heading...


	6. i won't fall in love with falling

Tyler was choking back tears as soon as he got into his car. His gripped the steering wheel tightly, _not here_ , he told himself. He drove onto a highway about half an hour from home, where he could have time to think and calm down. The tears he has yet to allow spill blurred his vision, turning street lights and headlights into starbursts.

Josh had never hit him before. ‘ _He didn't mean to, it won't happen again_ ’ a part of him said. ‘ _This is only the beginning_ ’ the other part said.

**_It’s your fault you know. You shouldn't have snapped at him like that. Josh didn't do anything to start the fire. You're the one who left the notebook by the stove. God, you're such idiotic brat, no wonder Josh hit you. You deserved it._ **

Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, the tears finally pouring down. He had a death grip on the steering wheel, stomach acid-burned knuckles a pure white. The familiar feeling of self-loathing stung in his chest. Josh probably hates him now. Why does Tyler have to be so sensitive all of the goddamn time?

Tyler reopened his eyes, tears creating a cloudy film over his vision. He could barely make out something darting into the road and in front of his car.

"Shit!" He swerved violently to avoid whatever had made it's way in front of him. Tyler was jostled roughly as his car threatened to flip. It landed in a ditch on the side of the road, met by the sounds of breaking glass and crunching metal.

~

After a couple of minutes, Tyler opened his eyes. His breathing was heavy and blood was pounding in his ears. He put a shaking hand over his heart.

_**Now look what you did. You are such a fuck up.** _

Unbuckling his seatbelt, he stepped out of the car with some difficulty due to the awkward angle it was at. He himself was fine, save for a few cuts and bruises. His windshield was cracked to the point of barely being able to see through it, his front left tire was bent outward, and smoke bellowed out from the hood of his car.

He pulled out his phone, frowning when he noticed a few missed calls from Josh. He wasn't ready to talk to him yet. He thought about calling Patrick, but Tyler knew he would ask too many questions, always concerned for the wellbeing of his friends. Tyler didn't think he'd be able to answer them without breaking down, he was already hanging by a thread. He could call Brendon, but considering it was almost 9 on a Friday night, he was probably out with friends. He settled on calling Pete, praying he would be able to come pick him up.

~

Pete arrived an hour later.

"Woah, dude. How exactly did this happen?"

"A stupid deer ran in front of my car."

Once Tyler climbed into Pete's truck, he checked his phone again. He cursed to himself as he realized he never called Josh back. He dialed his number, Josh picking up after the first ring.

"Tyler! Tyler, please come home. I'm sorry. Where are you?"

"I...I'll be home soon."

"You didn’t answer my question, where are you."

"I kinda c-crashed my car."

"You what!? Oh my god are you okay?!"

"Josh I'm fine I-"

"Where are you, I'm coming to get you."  
  
"Pete already did."

"You... you called Pete before me?"

Tyler winced. "I'm sorry! I figured you were still mad at me. I didn't want to make things worse."

"So you thought ignoring me for over two hours was the better choice?!"

"I wasn't ignoring you! I just... we'll talk when I get home."

Tyler hung up, not waiting for Josh's opinion. Pete whistled a 'whew'.

"Everything alright with you two?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine."

"Did something happen?"

Tyler took in a deep breath, twiddling his hands in his lap. "It's stupid really."

Pete gave him a glance as if to say 'continue'. Tyler sighed. "We had a small kitchen fire. I said it was his fault. It was mine. Just a dumb argument."

Pete nodded his head in understanding. "I feel you dude, me and 'Trick fight over dumb shit all the time, but things always resolve. I know you two can't stay mad at each other."

~

As soon as Tyler stepped through the door, they were in eachother's arms. Once the apologies began, they poured out like a dam had broken.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." Josh began, squeezing Tyler tighter.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for the fire." Tyler mumbled into Josh's chest.

"I'm sorry I didn't watch the stove like you asked."

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls."

Josh pulled Tyler back by the shoulders to look him in the eyes. A serious and remorseful look on his face. "I'm sorry I hit you."

Tyler stiffened, eyes trained to the floor.

"I can't even express the amount of disgust I have for myself. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for laying a hand on you. You mean everything to me, you know that right?"

Tyler nodded. "I know."

"Never leave me."

"I couldn't if I tried."

~

From there it was all desperate hands, touching and clinging and pulling one another closer. Deep, passionate, sorry kisses. Mingling breath and tangled limbs. 'I'm sorry's, 'Never leave me's and 'I love you's mixed in with the desperate whines and breathy moans.

It was in these moments that Tyler realized that even if Josh was slipping up more than usual, even if he was causing him pain, he could never truly leave him. Josh meant too much to him, had taken too many pieces of him. Tyler was madly in love with Josh, and that terrified him.

They now laid exhausted on their bed, the white covers draped over their naked bodies. They faced eachother, Josh brought the hand resting on Tyler's hip up to cup his boyfriend's cheek. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips turned into a frown. Tyler brushed curls of red hair from Josh's face.

"What are you thinking about?" Tyler asked. Josh took a few moments to reply.

"You could have died tonight." His voice cracked on 'died'.

"Josh, it wasn't a bad crash. It's no big deal.”

"It is, Tyler! Because what if you had swerved into oncoming traffic. You could have been killed! Jesus, the last memory I would've been left with is our fight."

"I’m sorry."

"I’m tired of us always saying sorry." 

 


	7. i will try to avoid those eyes

Brendon Urie threw the best parties in town, everyone knew that. So when Brendon announced he was throwing a party on Friday, of course they agreed to go.

Tyler knocked on the front door, to which Josh gave him a "really?" look and opened the unlocked door for them. They stepped inside to a crowded living room full of drunk couples ~~dancing~~ grinding and ripped guys obviously too young to be here challenging one another to chug their beers. One of the blonde ones in a blue jersey threw up onto the carpet, earning groans from the couples and cheers from his friends. Tyler scrunched up his nose.

"Ew." He heard Josh mumbled behind him, and he was lead by the shoulders to a different room, another living room, but smaller and seeming to be occupied only by people quietly smoking on the couch. _Better_ , Tyler thought.

"Josh Dun!" They heard from somewhere behind him. Tyler turned around to find a blonde guy with strikingly chiseled features run up to Josh.

"Roy! What's up my man!"

"Ah yah know, can't complain. It's been a while! Who’s this?"

"This is my boyfriend, Tyler. Tyler, Roy."

"Hang on, this is the infamous Tyler? The same one you used to go on about for ages?"

"Same one, 4 years strong."

"Wow, congrats my dude. It's nice to finally meet you Tyler. Well anyways, I'd love to catch up Josh, if you're not too busy."

"Yeah totally, one second."

Josh took Tyler's hand and led him to one of the couches in the room. Tyler gave him a look that said "You aren't really going to leave me alone with these people, are you?" Josh must've missed it.

"Sit here and be good, okay? I'll be back in a bit."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Bark. Bark." He said mundanely, sticking his tongue out and pretending to pant like a dog.

"Watch it."

Tyler sat back in the seat, pouting. He glanced around the room for something to do, leaning his face on his hand boredly.

Well, for one, he knew he couldn't be the only sober one here. He wasn't a huge fan of alcohol, but he didn't know any of these people, too shy to ask for a joint. Then he noticed a familiar face walking into the room.

Sean, Tyler's only other boyfriend besides Josh. They dated from sophomore year until the beginning of senior year. Their relationship was great, everyone envied them, but then Sean's dad was relocated for work and he had to move. They were both devastated, but they ended on good terms.

"Sean!" Tyler shouted probably a bit too loudly.

"Tyler?!" Sean replied once his brain realized who he was looking at. Tyler stood up to meet him in a tight hug, having not seen each other since high school, and they moved the stand along the wall.

"Oh my god I haven't seen you in forever. What are you doing in Columbus?"

Sean pulled out a baggie of pre-rolled joints and a lighter. He took two out, one for himself and one for Tyler, to which he accepted. He lit Tyler's for him and then his own. Tyler sighed a breath of relief along with smoke as the drug relieved some of his discontent and ever-prevalent anxiety.

"Brendon told me about the party so I thought I'd come down and meet up with some old friends. I was gonna give you a call, but I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me. How have you been? Last time we talked you were going through some rough times."

"I'm doing really good actually. Did your sister end up getting into the school she wanted?" He

"Unfortunately not, but she got accepted to Monmouth so she was very happy with that."

"Oh, good to hear. Do you uh, want to dance?"

"I'd love to."

For a while they danced, the way Sean's hands rested firmly on his hips bringing waves of nostalgia. The music thrummed through Tyler’s chest, exaggerated by his high, as was the sensation of being touched by Sean. Of course, Josh was in the back of Tyler's mind. God did Tyler love him, but where was he now? He was off with some other guy while he should be with Tyler, dancing with Tyler. Sean was no Josh, his touch didn't flutter Tyler's heart like Josh's does, but it was nice to share a close moment with him again.

They caught up on each other's lives, filling in the important details of the last four years, and eventually moved to telling old stories of their relationship. Tyler was in the middle of telling Sean one of his favorite memories, of when Sean brought Tyler to the fair for his 17th birthday, but the rides and sugary foods had made Tyler sick, so instead they snuck onto the roof of the funhouse and searched for constellations in the light polluted sky.

They had stopped dancing at this point, Tyler now leaning against the wall with Sean’s hands playing with the belt loops of Tyler’s jeans. They were both laughing loudly at the part of the story where security caught them and they went running when Sean leaned in, eyes focused on Tyler’s lips. Tyler pulled away.

“Oh, no. I’m really sorry! I should’ve mentioned I had a boyfriend.”

“Oh shoot. My apologies.”

“It’s okay, it’s my fault for no-” Before Tyler could finish his sentence, Sean was being shoved to the floor by an obviously livid Josh. Tyler gulped as Josh grabbed his arm roughly and began dragging him through the seas of people, up the stairs and down a hallway until he spotted an open room. Josh shoved Tyler inside, following him in and locking the door behind them. He pinned Tyler up against the door.

“You jus’ don’t listen, do you? I told you to stay put, and what do you do? You go make out with the first guy you see.” Josh hissed in Tyler’s ear.

His thigh was shoved between Tyler’s leg, preventing him from moving and sending a constant pain through his groin. The nails digging into Tyler’s wrist were about to break skin and the doorknob was digging into his back. The scent of alcohol heavy on Josh’s breath stirred fear in Tyler’s gut.

“Ow, Josh stop.”

“I can’t believe my boyfriend is a whore. You’d give it to any guy who was willing to give ya their time.”

“It wasn’t like that! I know him, we were just catching up!”

"You’re a liar. He's prolly some stranger who asked you to hook up and you jus' couldn't pass up that opportunity, could you, slut?”

“Josh, please. Let’s just get back to the party, people are going to get worried.”

Josh slammed his fist on the door behind Tyler, making him jump and squeeze his eyes shut.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m not done with you yet. You jus' lied to me, Tyler.”

“I’m not lying! He’s my ex boyfriend, Sean.”

Wrong answer.

“Ex boyfriend, huh? God, I could beat you right now.” Tyler flinched. “No, better, I should fuck you til’ you can’t move like the whore you are.”

Tyler was certain he was going to throw up.

“You’d probably enjoy that, wouldn’t you? I should ruin you. Fuck you so hard you’ll be too messed up for anyone else.”

"Josh, please, you’re hurting me." Tyler sobbed.

The words seemed to snap Josh out of whatever drunken trance he was in. Taking harsh, deep breaths, his eyes trailed from Tyler’s tear streaked face down to his shaking frame and finally to where his nails dug harshly into Tyler’s wrists. He released them and Tyler quickly pulled his arms to his chest, recoiling from Josh.

“Can I see?” He asked quietly after a few minutes. Tyler looked up to him with panic stricken eyes, bottom lip trembling. He didn’t respond, so he reached out to Tyler’s arms. Tyler whimpered and pressed himself further against the door. “Tyler. Ty, I’m not going to hurt you anymore. I just want to see your arms.”

Slowly Tyler held out his arms. Josh held his wrists gently, examining the angry red crescents indented into them, a few of which were bleeding. Josh swallowed the vomit threatening to come up.

“Can I hug you?” Tyler didn’t say anything still, but he moved off of the door and silently into Josh’s arms, tense and still trembling. Josh buried his face into Tyler’s neck, pulling him in as close as physically possible. He let out a shaky breath, "What’s happening to us?"


	8. you've stolen my air catcher & i don't know if i want it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter! just closure for chapter 7

Tyler walked stiffly, uncomfortable of Josh’s hand resting on his lower back. They silently made their way back to the crowds of people. Tyler worried others could feel the tension currently suffocating the both of them.

“Heyyy!! There ya guys are.” Brendon stumbled over to them. Tyler laughed nervously. “Tyler, you look wreckeedd. I see you two made use of the guest bedroom.” He cooed with a smirk.

Tyler made an expression of disbelief. Josh coughed uncomfortably. “Riiight, well. Josh, you stay here and chat with Bren while I apologize to Sean.”

Josh began to protest, but Tyler had already pulled out of his grasp. He wasn’t going to make a scene in front of all of these people, even though anger boiled in his stomach and he ached to reach out and yank Tyler back to his side. Brendon weakly threw two fists in the air. “Wooo! One on one time with Joshieee.”

~

Tyler finds Sean in the third room he checks, pouring himself a drink in the kitchen. Tyler walked up to him, wringing his hands. Sean noticed and gave him a small smile that Tyler couldn't bring himself to return.

"Sean, I am so sorry. I can’t believe he would do that.” He pleaded.

"Hey, hey. It’s okay, Tyler. Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”

Tyler wiped at his cheeks harshly with shaking hands. “Oh, yeah. Look, I don’t know why he-”

“Ty, what happened to your arm? You’re bleeding.”

"Nothing, Sean. I’m fine."

“Did he do this?” Tyler shook his head rapidly, formulating a lame response about how he fell. Sean clearly didn’t buy it. “I promise I won't say anything if you don’t want me to.”

Tyler bit his lip and blinked away tears. "He's not usually like this."

"Please just call me if anything happens again. Promise?"

"Promise.”


	9. won't fall in love

_Tyler Joseph met Joshua Dun halfway through their senior year. They had been randomly paired together for a science project. Joshua Dun was the mysterious kid in the back of the class who everyone seemed to know of, but didn't know anything about. He always appeared to be tired, exhausted even, and a constant look of anger plagued his features. It was clear that something else lingered there as well, a certain fear or sadness, but he was so unapproachable that nobody had taken the time to figure him out._

_They quickly became best friends. Tyler was happy to finally have a friend who didn't tease him for being sensitive and not strong or athletic enough, as his friends from the basketball team often did. Josh, as it turns out, did have a few friends. A group of outcast kids consisting of Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump (possibly the gayest couple Tyler had ever witnessed) and Dallon Weekes (whom Tyler introduced to his friend Brendon Urie, they hit it off instantly)._   
_But neither Tyler or Josh connected with any of them like they did with eachother._

_They hung out most days after school, always at Tyler's, never at Josh's. Tyler never asked why. There were certain things Tyler noticed about Josh; the way he would look around nervously when he heard the front door of Tyler's house open, the way he would flinch whenever somebody raised their voice, and how he felt the need to ask permission before he did ANYTHING, leading Tyler to have to say "Yes J, you can sit in that chair." on a regular basis._

_Whenever Tyler would ask about his nervous mannerisms, Josh would give the same response, "Not today." The dismissal of his question would leave Tyler's mind to run wild with what secret Josh could be hiding, but it suggested that there would come a day when Josh would explain, so Tyler didn't press it._

_Tyler found out in a way he wished he wouldn't of had to. It was 11pm in the dead of February when Tyler's doorbell rang. Curious as to who the fuck would be ringing their doorbell at 11pm during an Ohio snowstorm, Tyler tiptoed down his stairs and peered around the corner into the living room._

_He watched as his mom went to open the door, her confused expression matching his own. He couldn't see who was in the doorway from his position behind the wall, but he could see his mother's horrified expression, followed by a "Josh?! Oh my god, sweetheart. What the hell happened?!"_

_Josh?!_

_Tyler's feet were running to the doorway in a matter of milliseconds, His stomach was already in his throat in anticipation for what might be behind that door, and he was afraid it might fall out onto the floor once he caught sight of Josh._

_Tyler immediately pulled Josh into a hug, hysterically asking him what had happened. After a few seconds of no reply, he pulled back and further examined his best friends face. He had a bloody nose and swollen eye. A bleeding gash cut through his left eyebrow, and even through the melting snow dripping off his eyelashes, Tyler could see he was crying._

_"Should we take him to the hospital?!" Tyler frantically turned to his mother, who stood biting her nails with tears in her eyes._

_"No, please!" Josh grabbed his arm. "I'll be okay, trust me, I've been worse. I just-"_

_"What do you mean you've been worse?" Tyler's mom shrilled._

_"I... can I talk to Tyler for a bit?"_

_Tyler's mom sighed, but nodded her head. "Of course, honey. I'll go get you some dry clothes and stuff to clean your wounds."_

_Tyler pulled Josh over to the couch, eyes pleading for an explanation. Josh bit his lip, seemingly searching for the right words in his shaking hands._

_"Who did this?" Tyler tried._

_Josh inhaled sharply. "My dad."_

_"Where was your mom?"_

_"She doesn't... she uh... she left when I was 11. Her and my little brother."_

_"Oh." It was Tyler's turn to search for words in his hands. "D-does this happen often?"_

_Josh nodded. Tyler exhaled shakily. He took Josh's freezing hands into his own. "He uh, came home drunk, like every night, and I must have left a wrapper on the counter or something, but he doesn't like when we eat his food so he..." He broke down crying. "It's m-my fault, I shouldn't h-have eaten when I wasn't supposed to and I..."_

_Tyler shushed him, holding his head gently to his chest. He could worry about the blood on his shirt later. "No. No it's not. That's... horrible and absolutely ridiculous. You're safe now, Jish. We aren't going to let anything happen to you, alright?"_

_"I just want to feel loved." He sobbed. "Safe and loved."_

_Tyler wasn't sure if this was the appropriate time to do this, but he figured they both needed this. He leaned in, his lips meeting with Josh's. Josh gasped, taken aback at first, but quickly melted into the kiss. He fisted Tyler's shirt desperately, wanting him closer, wanting his warmth. Tyler made him feel safe._

_"You are so loved." Tyler whispered into Josh's jaw, planting one last kiss onto his lips. By the time they pulled away, Tyler's mom was making her way into the living room, oblivious as to what had just occurred. Josh explained to her what he had told Tyler while she cleaned his wounds._

_~_

_From there Josh practically lived at Tyler's house. His dad didn't care, or at least they assumed by the fact he never called or came to pick up Josh. Josh was 18, anyway. His dad couldn't force him to come home if he tried. They had set up the spare room so Josh could stay over whenever he needed, though he usually opted to stay in Tyler's room. Tyler wasn't complaining._

_As soon as senior year was over, Tyler and Josh knew they wanted to move into an apartment together. Tyler was working at a local coffee shop, and Josh at a music store. With some help from Tyler's parents they were able to move out shortly after Tyler's 19th birthday._

_Josh had brought up one day while they played video games that he wanted to dye his hair. Tyler encouraged him, thinking it would be good for him to make such a big change from his old self. Josh said he wasn't brave enough._

_It was a few weeks later that they were in Target buying Red Bull and snacks. Tyler nudged Josh as they walked by the hair dyes. Josh bit his lip in consideration before tilting his head at Tyler._

_“What's your favorite color?”_

_Tyler hummed. “Blue. It's safe, and happy.”_

_Josh sighed and grabbed the brightest blue he could find off the shelf. Tyler's face lit up._

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah, fuck it.” Josh shrugged._

_Tyler dyed Josh's hair for him as soon as they got home. Josh loved it. He loved the freedom and self-expression he felt from it, feelings he wasn't used to._

He kept it blue up until a few weeks ago. Now, his hair is a dark blood red. He didn't tell Tyler beforehand, so naturally, Tyler was a little shocked. It definitely suited him, but something about the color red had always made Tyler uneasy. It reminded him of pain and anger. He missed the vibrant blue, that was the Josh he knew.


End file.
